Wet Dream – For Two

What a great gift nature bestows on men, wild erotic dreams culminating in an eruption of man milk covering you and your sheets in a gooey glow. Life is good! I was thinking about how much like a dream state, and a wet one at that, the erotic journeys I write about in these posts are.

My journeys begin with my fellow explorer and me stripping each other as we move into touch space. Just recently, I was thinking about this transition and how similar it is to sleep and the ways in which our bodies descend through various stages into the magic of a dream world. In the world of touch space, we also enter into a kind of magical dreamlike world, one that takes us beyond the limitations of clothing and the judgmental eye – beyond the world of taboos to a space where we can revel in the joys of eros.

In erotic touch space, we discover worlds that seem to lie dormant in our psyches waiting for us to enter. At the right moment, somehow we know where to go and how to get there. Another type of dream space comes to mind, the kind brought to life through the song lines of the aboriginal peoples of Australia. As they wander the outback, they hardly have need for maps as we think of them. As they sing a certain sequence of songs, their geography unfolds before them. Their maps tell stories, and through them they relive the truths of their existence.

Journeying in the touch world is not all that different. In touch space, we enter a world that has its own geography, to which we each have a map and our own unique stories. All are outside the  rational guideposts and boundaries of our conscious world.

In my experience with various co-journeyers, our explorations unfold mutually with little to no verbal communication. Every journey is unique regardless of the number of times I have travelled with a particular partner. Just as no two dreams are the same, so too with erotic journeys. In our co-venture through the geography of eros, our fantasies are different but we share touch at the deepest levels. Our wet dream world is a space where we intimately connect with someone, share a deeply erotic experience, and give each other the gift of wetness. When I am basking in the afterglow of orgasm with a co-journeyer, the feeling I have is of the deepest connection with this person and of a profound gratefulness for having shared a journey that not only brought us together but of doing so in a way that sets us free.



Intimacy…Practice, Practice, Practice

Intimacy can refer to everything from a casual sexual encounter to a long lasting marriage. There are probably as many shades of intimacy as there are people, but a common thread is the sense of opening ourselves up to another.

For me, intimacy is also a practice, and one that is touch centered. In much the same way as playing the piano, or writing, or going to a fitness center, it’s an activity for which I set aside a space and time. There are people with whom I share the practice, and we structure this by setting aside a time and space with the intention of sharing an intimate and erotic journey.

At the beginning of each session, we consciously transition from the familiar world dominated by talk to the world of touch. As we shed ourselves of clothing, the silent ways of skin on skin communication take over. Touch has a knowledge that goes deeper than rationality, and one that can open profound vistas if we can but let it happen.

Invariably in the course of each journey, there is some sensation, some area of our bodies that opens itself up to us, and that somehow seems new and unexplored. In some magical way, this happens not only with more recent partners but with ones I have had an intimate practice of many years with. This points up a benefit of a long-term practice,  that it is possible to break through inhibitions so that you and your partner can have the freedom to flow  with each other’s energy and to discover new areas. It is very much like the insights I often have when interpreting a piece of music that has been a part of my life for many years – new voices appear, inner rhythms I had not seen, new dimensions. It has everything to do with being able to look into the other, regardless of how familiar, and to open up our senses so that we can explore with new eyes, fingers, and whatever else comes into play.

Sometimes the things in life that appear to be the most effortless require the greatest amount of work. The great musicians, artists, sports players, to highlight only a few, give the impression that their craft simply falls to them with ease. For the most part, this is anything but true, they work at it. So too with the practice of intimacy. Every time we cast off a veil that blocks something in us or in those we practice with, the horizon changes, and we reach new levels. The energy we feel in our bodies is more alive. When it flows freely, we discover new and invigorating ways to express ourselves. Yes, practice does make for perfection, and fortunately for us there is always something needing work.



Body Fur

It’s not by accident that body fur has survived the relentless hand of evolution. It’s sexy to look look at and fun to play with, whether it be yours or your parter’s. One of the most sensual things about body fur are all those millions of little pleasure projectiles bursting up from the skin all over the body. This has to be nature’s way of extending to the max the number of body surfaces that can conduct pleasure signals to the brain.

Nature loves pleasure and evolved us, I am sure, to be pleasure creatures. Think of body fur as a natural super conductor for pleasure. As you mull this over, consider how your hairs stand on end in reaction to various stimuli, especially those first moments of touching someone who turns you on, even if in that moment you are only just barely grazing against him.

For me, there is nothing more sensual than giving and receiving feather light touch. In the furry areas, the pleasure gets even better as you and your partner gently glide over each other. Let your lips, hands, and body softly move over him. As you caress his pubes, chest, arm pits, or wherever, feel your reactions as the pleasure of it all ripples through both of your bodies. Then, revel in the delight of his fur softly stimulating your body as he reciprocates. All those millions of edges that fur gives us are like tiny fingers being activated by gentle stroking motions. It’s the same as being touched by millions of little hands.

Fur also works like a sensual lubricant lending a nice soft layer as two bodies rub against and over each other. Too much grooming, however, can turn your luscious silken fur into a kind of velcro surface. Stubble certainly does not lend itself to glide, and it can really tear your lips apart – not in a good way either.

Personally, I love a guy whose natural sweater covers his back as well, no matter where you grab him, or which way you flip, there is always pleasure at hand! If there is a moral to this story, it has to be don’t screw up the good things that nature has given us with too much shaving. Trimming things up a bit can be a sexy way to groom your body, but don’t go bonkers. Fur is fun, and we should enjoy playing with it as much as possible.

Blow Job

One of the myths I’ve lived by is that evolution produced us gay men to rescue the blow job from mediocrity and to raise it to the pantheon of mind numbing erotic experiences. In my teen-age years, I was filled with wonder at my new found pleasures in them. I am reminded of a joke popular among us lads at the time that had something to do with a chamber maid overhearing newlyweds in the bridal suite and the man crying out, suck Susie suck, blow is just a figure of speech. Humor does bring out some aspects of reality that we are hesitant to speak more directly about, and Susie’s naiveté perhaps was fairly prevalent at the time, maybe still is though I hope not.

For my money, fellatio is one of the most sublime experiences a guy can have whether it be as an active or passive partner, both of which I find equally satisfying. Even though I have interacted with guys who are hesitant to take on the active role, one-sided exchanges have not lessened these experiences at all. This is one erotic activity that I do not mind in the least having no reciprocation. To my way of thinking, fellatio is one of the greatest gifts we can give our buddies, and while a 69 is an absolutely fantastic way to share pleasure I have not found reciprocation to be absolutely necessary for a rewarding erotic journey.

If you are the active sort, take your time, go slowly. While you are pleasuring your buddy’s cock with your mouth, add a little titillation by gently stroking and caressing his sack with your fingers, especially the back part where it connects to the perineum – lightly scratching this area with your fingernails can send sensations of pleasure through him. Take your time to let your tongue explore his sack, and to tickle his groin where thighs and pelvis meet. There is no hurry, enjoy his reactions, listen to his sighs and groans as you send ripples of ecstasy through him.

One of the benefits of receiving a blow job is that it gives a guy the opportunity to be passive so that he can explore his feminine side, which we usually associate with being penetrated. But if passive anal sex is not your thing, here is yet another way. Lie back, let your buddy suck, blow, and lick away at the family jewels. Let him do the driving while you enjoy the sights. Obviously, if you like taking an active role as well, I am sure a 69 is always welcomed. As you delve into the wonderland that is fellatio, think of what poor Susie lost out on by puffing away at it as if it were a candle on a birthday cake!

Happy Endings

The notion of a happy ending has always seemed silly to me. It has regularly come up as a question from someone new I was to trade massage with. Fair enough, good to know where the limits are. For me, however, orgasm is simply a natural and integral part of erotic body work, a part of a larger experience. Being in touch with my body and its erotic energy has always been something I have wanted to explore with other men. Taking the time to linger in erotic touch space opens doors for discovering a rich variety of sensations waiting to be unlocked. If you think about it, we spend far less time in touch space than in any other dimension of life. So why not savour the lush goodies of the entire experience?

We are a funny species, one that is capable of inflicting incredibly stupid things on ourselves. For example, robbing ourselves of one of the most profound and joyful experiences that is literally at our fingertips, orgasm. Nature knows what it likes, and maybe that is why erotic pleasure survived the vicissitudes of evolution. Yet, we humans have managed to erect fences around this life affirming force. Just as the flow of a river cannot be completely thwarted by a dam, so too does erotic energy find its way through all the taboos to eventually explode forth from our loins. Still, the suffering so many endure in the process is beyond unnecessary.

It would be nice to think that humankind is coming to its senses and is on the verge of a new ethos. With a planet lumbering under the weight of massive over population, it would be a good idea to reward activities that spread love but do not produce children. To my way of thinking, this has Eros written all over it. Eros is about love, we are programmed for it, and erotic love is much more than romance, marriage, and children. It is about sharing ourselves with others, and sharing ourselves through the most sexual of ways.

Embracing Eros means we have to confront the mongers of shame, cast them off, and open ourselves to the serendipitous experiences that happen when we enter touch space. And why not? As sexual creatures, we deserve much more than the endings to be happy. Opening ourselves to our touch bodies is good for our physical and spiritual health. Erotic journeys take us beyond words and into the most elemental areas of life. As we travel beyond the limitations of our bodies, we connect not only with someone else but with a vital energy that is the rhythm of life itself. This is what nature made us for. Why else would we feel such ecstasy, such bliss? The experience is of a happy everything, and this keeps nurturing us well past the ending.


The Body Knows

I find myself wondering about conflicts between our erotic selves and the world of restrictions  our minds have created to thwart our very natural desires. In some cases, the taboos are so strong they have succeeded in suppressing erotic needs. It’s funny how readily we see disharmony as not being a healthy situation, nor one we accept for most aspects of our lives. Yet, all too often we do not see the disharmonies we allow to negatively influence our erotic health.

In thinking about this disconnect, flashes of the recent horrific event in Orlando come to mind along with other incidents of far less violence, though nonetheless the result of conflicts between bodily needs and societal norms. At rare times in my Sacred Intimacy journeys, I have come across guys who were deeply troubled when their need for male touch met their sense of guilt and self-condemnation head on. They felt they had “given in” to their bodily desires by breaking taboos against man on man erotic touch. In such instances, I have felt helpless because of my inability to help them overcome the disharmony between their very natural bodily needs and their self-condemnation for not heeding the taboos so deeply imprinted in their psyches.

The body has its own language, and one of its tongues is eros. When given space to freely express itself, it speaks it well and with great fluidity. But, we need to allow ourselves to enter into this space, a place I often refer to as touch space. Given the pervasiveness and depth of taboos, even in this positive space we may never be able to completely rid ourselves of the traces that taboos leave. But in a Zen-like way, the more we say yes to eros the more these things lose their grip and in the process become background noise. It takes time to erase such deeply ingrained images as are taboos, but eventually they deflate into some kind of cultural dust swirling around the ground.

The body knows what is best for it, where it can live and breathe in a vital, energy enhancing way. It knows wherein truth lies. It knows too wherein many of us find sustenance and life. It really does not care about the taboos chattering away in our heads trying to control our desires. But it does know one of the most profound truths there is, that we neither control nor own the earth and the sources of energy that give each of us life. The body is trying to communicate its knowledge to us, if only we can but stop the chatter in our minds long enough to listen to and discover the wonders it has at hand.

Zen of Sex

We are chemically made to connect, our bodies never stop sending out signals, and at conscious and unconscious levels our bodies never cease from collecting and sorting through those coming at us. The stronger ones definitely get our attention, we’re attracted, we want to connect, to touch, maybe even to shag.

Erotic energy is a powerful and positive force, we are bathed in it. If it is so pervasive and life enhancing, why is it so repressed? I’ve rambled on about the usual culprits of religion and society and the cloak of shame they reinforce. Its not that these are not important, but I think the grip of possession is equally as powerful.

Now for a disclaimer, I do not practice Buddhism or Zen nor do I have more than  a surface level knowledge of them. I do, however, think about non-possession in my own erotic journeys and the sense of joy and peace that comes from erotic connections where possession is not a factor, where the path of eros is one of love without possessing the other. One of my most memorable sexual journeys was with a monk, no not Zen but Anglican. And no, I was not an abused school boy but a fully willing thirty year old.

Can deeply intimate connections exist that are free of this sense of possession? For several years, I have journeyed along the erotic path with many men. With some, the journeys have been of short duration, with others of continued exploration lasting months, years, and even decades. With each man, the experience of love comes from deeply intimate touch, opening ourselves to each other, sharing orgasm, and allowing the post-orgasmic glow to flow through each other’s bodies. These are among the most loving gifts two people can give each other. My most successful connections have been the ones where we have understood we do not possess each other, just simply a heartfelt love and gratitude for allowing ourselves to so intimately journey together.

For me, there is no contradiction in being deeply erotic and eschewing the idea of possessing the other. This is more about a state of being than the number of times one engages erotically with another person. It’s about exploring touch space with those you feel drawn to. And, equally important, it’s about giving each other the freedom and love to leave that space. Non-possession is about love, sharing it, and baring our souls and bodies so that we can deeply nourish ourselves in the erotic energy that is so vital a part of life.