Gay Tantra

If you think I’m about to start a blog rant of massive homoerotic exploits the likes of which would make Tom of Finland look like a mere school lad in knickers, I’m going to have to disappoint you. My wanderings here have to do with tantra from a gay perspective – something I have come to think of as Sacred Intimacy. OK, now that you are wondering what in the name of Thor is Sacred Intimacy about, or SI for those in the know (wink wink)? Let me tell you, so do I. Hence these posts. They will be my way of trying to understand a practice I have been involved with for several years and have been trying to get a grip on as well (all puns intended!).

So, the first problem – how to define what is largely a non-verbal experience? Essentially, it is not possible. But, what we can do is explore around the edges and hopefully get some glimpses into what SI practices are. Yes, it is a practice just as are yoga, breathing exercises, tennis, and so on. Is mastery of yoga, breathing, tennis something that can be described in words? Certainly not. What Lao-Tzu said about the Tao that is spoken not being the Tao can also be applied to the above mentioned practices including Sacred Intimacy.

I’ve often felt that being gay is a blessing in that it allows us to explore realms of sensuality that have had the life squeezed out of them by the tight grip of conventionality. If you are beginning to have images of me as a wanton fornicator of old testamental proportions, I’m sorry to disappoint you further – just a white collar, middle aged man who is very much part of the mainstream society. Yet, that little adjective gay has made a huge difference in my sensual life and the types of relationships open to me.

When we think of sensual relationships, we are well trained to think in terms of extremes with monogamy at one end of the spectrum and wantonness at the other. But, why not a middle ground? Why is it in massage that the standard, for example, is to drape the middle part of the body – the naughty bits? There you have it, why should we think of our penises and scrotums as naughty bits? And, for that matter why be so sterile in terminology, why not cocks and balls?

What man would not admit that it feels good to have his boys rubbed, so why not include them in a massage? Even if there is a squirt at the end? There is a reason that this is referred to as a happy ending. It’s happy because it is healing, yes, healing. And this, I believe is at the core of SI.

OK, with these random bits tossed about, we now have a few base points upon which to build some future musings on SI. We’ve established that it is a practice, that it is body centered, that it involves intimate contact with at least one other individual, that it is not about romantic love, and that it has healing powers. As time allows, my goal is to add more entries as I develop my thoughts around these themes. Stay tuned.