If there is one conflicted area of a guy’s body, our Gaza Strip, it is our butts! Yes, the Glory Hole, the Mangina, whatever you want to call it, at the same time one of our greatest sources of pleasure and angst. Like our cocks, our butt is a dual purpose pleasure machine and waste eliminator. Unlike our cocks, we are much more conflicted experiencing the pleasures the mangina has to offer. Why is it we hardly need any coaxing to experience cock pleasure but need to be dragged kicking and screaming to the trough of anal ecstasy? Hey, if this is alien to your experience, hats off. So I wonder, where does this all come from? Yes, I know, shit stinks more than piss. If that’s all there was to it, a sweet smelling douche, a car freshener, or something would have solved this a long time ago. Not to make too light of the situation, I am very much aware that the mangina is a convenient place for HIV transmission, and we really need to take this seriously by practicing sex as safely as possible.
As I explored tantric literature and Sacred Intimacy practice, the term that helped me to lessen my own anxieties around penetration is rosebud. It really paints a pleasantly accurate and positive image of our anal sphincters. After failed attempts to enjoy passive anal sex, it was a Sacred Intimate who showed me that with slow and gentle preparation, the rosebud could be coaxed open and relaxed enough to enjoy a good banging! This was a really important lesson for me to learn because I am as guilty as the next guy of charging in like an infantry brigade when in the active position. Guys, we need to slow down! The mangina is our feminine side, so it pays to listen to what gals have to say to their beaus about spending a little more time with foreplay. OK, if you need to have a quick shag a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. But if you can dim it down a notch take your time, light some candles, massage your buddy, gently rub his belly, his cock, his butt, and coax that rosebud open with gentle finger strokes. As it opens, you can massage the inside of his bum with your finger, then two or three. This really helps to open that baby up for the big number, which is where you want to sing and dance! Hey, put on the Stars and Stripes Forever and make it a holiday march – I still crack up at the threesome scene in Short Bus where one of the guys is singing the national anthem into another guy’s butt. Life is good.
When I think of pleasures like this and how they are so much a part of our bodies, and then I look at the angst many of us have gone through it makes me wonder why the disconnect? Part of me wants to say it’s because of the narrative about how sex is supposed to be – you know the drill, love, marriage, missionary position, etc. I’m sure that’s a potent voice in all of us. Another voice in me says that as guys we don’t know how to be the passive partner – hats off to you guys who learned much more quickly than I did, this ought to be part of every boy’s sex education. Sadly, there is another layer influencing our alienation from our butts – the layers of shame and disease that have been associated with it. I suppose this has to do with the dual role as waste eliminator, but I wonder about the level of guilt people felt when they discovered how much pleasure there was in it too? Add this to the historic and cultural taboos around being gay and you have a pretty potent mixture. Regardless, we do not need to let these things stop us from enjoying one of the truly great pleasure areas of our bodies. And, it can be done safely, cleanly, and pleasurably if we can just take care and relax into it. Like the gals say, take your time and focus on the foreplay.