Sex is as fundamental a need for bodily and spiritual health as is eating and breathing, yet it has gotten tangled up in a web of guilt, sin, and shame. Most of us live in societies where these negative images of sex have been strengthened through various religious beliefs. Given that sex is a word wrapped up in layers of negative connotations, it’s time for a change in thinking. I prefer to use the terms sacred intimacy and erotic journeys for the fresh approach they suggest.
Erotic journeys are deeply sensual life affirming ways to communicate with another – that is their intention and purpose. What better ways to engage with like minded friends than in erotic explorations? Think of how much time we spend with friends in verbal and rational communication. Think of the depth of non-verbal physical connectedness we miss out on. What a loss – to ourselves, our friends, and to the sensual realms we could be exploring together. Sadly, there is a barrier, a kind of taboo. To move ahead, it helps to change our thinking by taking the idea of romance and dating out of the equation and instead focus on communication and connectedness.
Touch space is sacred space because it takes us into the core of the mysteries of existence and connectedness. To be truly creative, we need space to play in. Any space can be transformed, you don’t need to be in a bedroom – even coffee tables and kitchen counters have their possibilities. Enhance the experience by changing the lighting, adding some music and incense. The medieval mind understood well the importance of these kinds of things for giving us a sense of the divine – without their insights, we never would have had Rheims or Chartres or a thousand other such places. Yes, sexual play is in the realm of the divine precisely because it is life affirming at our most profound level, sensual connection with another person. There is nothing more sacred than the feel of each other’s bodies, the sweet smell of skin, the sounds we makes as our dance quickens, taking in the sight of our nude bodies, the thrilling sensations we have as we enter each other, and the energy exchanged as we build to eruption and subside from it. Like God on the seventh day of creation, we can lie back with our partner in the post-orgasmic glow and say that it is not only good but beautiful.
We take many kinds of journeys with our friends, but we tend to stop short of erotic explorations with them. These we tend to reserve for a spouse or romantic partner. I’ve always wondered about this because by all accounts marriage is the fast track to abstinence. Talk to long-term couples and you get the sense that there is more sex in a monastery – definitely true in the ones I’ve visited!
It’s interesting to see how possessive we become in marriage or partnerdom. Yet, when I think of love I think of how non-possessive it should be. One of the most rewarding aspects that has evolved with my Sacred Intimate practice has been experiencing the beauty of erotic journeys with friends in a non-possessive way. After all, friendship is about love and the paths we explore with each other. Why we are inhibited from sharing our erotic lives with those we share so much else with continues to be a bit of a mystery for me – in spite of all the SI work, taboos run deep. Of course, the erotic is not appropriate for every friendship we have – nothing is. However, there are those friends with whom we will never be romantically engaged but with whom it is possible and appropriate to share the beauties of the erotic path.
Does crossing the sexual line with a friend not seem awkward or embarrassing to me? At times it has, though not so much any more. What I think about is how wonderful it is to be with a person I love in so many ways and to be able to strip away our clothes, leave the world of verbal communication behind, and journey into the realm of sensual touch. What better gift can we give to each other? If it seems awkward to make this transition, a good way to begin is to simply stand close to each other fully clothed, look each other in the eyes, begin breathing in sync with your hand on his heart and his on yours. Gradually your energies begin to merge into a oneness that takes on its own life. As the erotic rhythm builds, you strip each other, touch takes over, and the rest becomes history.
Some of the best moments I have had have been those times in the post orgasmic glow entwined with a friend as we both let our energies ripple through each other in a blissful state. What better moments can friends share with each other? The love that is friendship is as sacred to me as that of a partner. If love is about sharing, then brotherly love is superior to romantic love – but it needs to stay free of possessiveness. I like to think of my erotic journeys with friends the same way I think of other journeys with them. Sure there are times when I have felt jealous of their engagements with others, that’s the ego asserting itself. As in meditation, I bring my focus back to the idea that we do not possess another person and that we are here to share our love as deeply and openly as possible. My intent is not to randomly spew my seeds with as many guys as possible, but rather to be open to those with whom our energies click. When we find those people who can travel into the erotic with us, we should find ways to celebrate the beauty of our shared and unique journeys.
When I began exploring the world of tantric massage, I felt the outsider. Everything I read about tantra dwelt on the blending of feminine and masculine energies – yin and yang. There didn’t seem to be much room for people like me. What I read about the vitality that came from mixing feminine and masculine energies was something that spoke to me but then there was the problem that I was drawn to men and the power of our energy. What was a gay boy to do?
I knew what excited me, and in the end it was the reality of my woodie that won out over tantric theory. I am an empirical kind of guy, and so I followed my senses. My eyes perked up at the sight of a man’s face, the shape of his ass, arms, legs, cock, and other good bits. My ears loved the sound of a guy’s voice, especially as the cadence of his little utterances of pleasure built. Joining in the feast were my nose and mouth in the smell and taste of his body. Through the magic of skin, every pore of my being soaked up the erotic energy flowing out of the pores of his skin. Yes, Dorothy, our bodies really are our temples. They bear witness to the most profound experiences of our lives – experiences no less profound in a homosexual context than in a heterosexual one. In time, I came to understand that yin and yang are not so much about about joining feminine and masculine energies as about uniting complimentary energies. The important thing is to be in touch with what excites you personally.
I love the visualization of yin and yang in the Taoist Taijitu, the divided circle, the 69, that is familiar to most of us. The Taijitu is perfect in the way it expresses the essence of joining two people’s energies. I can’t think of a more complete experience of orgasm with someone than in a 69, or tiajitu, pose – it can’t get any better than when you can sync to each other’s timing. In the dance of eros, our focus moves through different stages, sometimes looking at the other, all of the time touching, sometimes conscious of his sound, at others what his body tastes and smells like. Throughout it all, we feel the erotic energy building in waves, small crests swelling and receding, on and on until the big one comes. To be in 69 position when we ride that final wave is the nirvana that comes from full body contact with our energy charged cocks in each other’s mouths as they explode. In unison we taste, feel, and smell everything about us as the magical milk spews forth at the same time the released energy ripples through to the cores of our entwined bodies. At such moments, we truly are one with the other, and it does not matter if both are male, both female, or one of each. The moment when two people can experience such connectedness and unity are the sacred moments of our lives, and for me this is the beauty of yin and yang.