I am most alive when I am in my touch body, that is to say in the realm of eros. As I have co-journeyed with friends into the erotic, these explorations have been far deeper and with higher highs than any other kind of journey I have experienced. To say the least, I am grateful for the friends who have taken these journeys with me into the most natural and joyful of connections anyone can share with another person. On the eve of Earth Day, I am reminded of how essential our stewardship of the planet is and of how central eros is to a healthy ecosystem.
There is a kind of polarity between living in harmony with the natural rhythms of the Earth and dominating it – between humankind as hunter gatherers and farmers. As a species, we have done a pretty thorough job of imposing all kinds of restrictions on our lives even to the point of snuffing nature out of them. I find it curious that on Earth Day we focus on the external ways in which we have ravaged our ecosystems but are not very introspective about the damage to our erotic lives. As I think on Earth Day this year, I find myself wanting to say yes more fully to the erotic rhythms of mother Earth.
In the midst of all the talk about stewardship of the planet, it’s time to ponder on a healthy cultivation of the erotic and to rescue it from the shadow world we have done such a good job of relegating it to. As I write this, the sun is shining brightly and nature’s juices are flowing through the plant world, a reminder of a planet so erotically charged that such vital energy is sprouting up in new shoots and buds everywhere. A reminder too that we, no less than plants, are connected to the erotic vitality that permeates all life.
While you meditate on your connection to the erotic, find a friend to co-journey with, to explore the magic of touch and where it takes you. If we are to lead healthy erotic lives, which is simply to say healthy lives, we can’t afford the luxury of shame over such things as nudity, physical and sexual contact, nor of all those restrictions that block us from a healthy connection with the erotic. Restrictions can be deadening. Now is the time to say yes to the life giving forces that are more powerful than any of the tabus we have erected against them. Through our bodies erotic, we feel the vitality necessary for a healthy balanced life. When we are at our best, we are co-journeying with another like minded person reveling in the touch world, in a world that has left behind rationalization and domination for the profundity of connectedness to a life force much greater than anything we have constructed to try to repress it.
In his Coffee Talk skit, Mike Myers said it was like “buttah”. We are bathed in it, it is the largest organ of the human body, and its sensory abilities are light years ahead of the most sophisticated artificial device available. Skin. Not only is it a protective layer, but it is also one of the most sensually charged organs we have – OK, for all you guys whose minds are as peevish as mine, I know what you are thinking but remember that no matter how massive your woodie is that it too is wrapped in skin.
I confess to getting really excited by the feel, smell, taste, and touch of another man – which is to say of another man’s skin. No matter how you look at it, we are built to connect through every pore of our body. There is probably something breathtakingly close to an infinite number of sensory receptors spread throughout this layer. That’s a lot to explore! Yet, how often do we really take the time to do this? Maybe it has do with my generation and the sexual revolution that we were a part of, but in my experience we became so fixated on the really juicy bits such as our cocks, balls, butts, and mouths that we lost sight of the sensual potential spread throughout the rest of our body. One of the most rewarding and exciting discoveries from the practice of Sacred Intimacy and my erotic journeys with friends has been our wanderings through the splendor of touch. There have even been times when these journeys have not led to the big O but to the soothing experience of simply lying naked with a friend. It has been a revelation to discover that such journeys have not ended in disappointment but rather in a feeling of complete satisfaction that comes from the quiet reverie of interlocked bodies as our billions of pores connect with the energy of the other. It has taken me a long time to appreciate that such interactions are as meaningful as those that culminate in a squirt. For anyone who has read more of these posts, this last statement may be a bit of a surprise because you know how much I celebrate the transformative power of orgasm. But the power of skin on skin is not to be underestimated either.
We are so used to being in the verbal/rational/clothed world that it can seem unnatural to enter into the non-verbal/sensual/naked world with someone who is not a lover. There is really nothing unnatural about exploring erotic realms with friends. All it takes is a willingness to enter into the non-verbal world of touch. Simply begin with syncing your breathing to your friend, progress to touching each other, and soon you will find that your skin takes over as you shed your clothes and bring your bodies into connection with each other. Don’t worry if the rhythm of your experience does not lead to orgasm, or orgasm for only one of you. Let your skin be your guide for it will find a way to the level of nourishment it needs. The most important thing is that we listen to and follow our skin’s erotic needs.