A Gay New Year

In the change from one year to the next, it is common to depict the old as negative – something to be tossed out. Certainly, this past year has had its share of difficulties for me, but I am also reminded of its rewards. As I set pen to paper, figuratively of course, my mind is full of a jumble of conflicting thoughts. The best recourse in such moments, I find, is simply to sit quietly and allow the stillness to guide me.

In the stillness, I find my breath. In my breathing, I feel my self, my life, my being. It is good, I am good, life is good. Yes there is sadness and evil, but overall life is good. In my breathing is also my energy, my meness (is there such a word??). It has weathered many ups and downs, yet fortunately continues. In my breathing, I feel love, I feel life. Maybe they are the same. Regardless, they are mine now because I feel them. When we feel life and love, I find it impossible to feel such negatives as hate and shame. And when I feel the life and love in my own life I want to feel it in another person. I want to experience this with another man, with both of us naked and entwined – two male energies rubbing against each other and infusing each other with that precious gift we call life.

I believe that it is only through touch that we can fully communicate with another. It is only through touch that the flat world of talk and intellect take on a third dimension. Although I am not a person of faith, I am reminded of the story of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples. Can there be any more powerful image of physical love than the tenderness of one man washing the feet of another. Through that simple gesture flow the powerful feelings of connectedness through love and the body in a bond that is spiritual, physical, and erotic.

Yes, love does have a feel that touch can convey better than any of our other senses or intellect. And, it is wonderfully erotic. Maybe Jesus stopped at the feet, but I would want to continue on up the trunk and into the juicy bits. Why not? They are there for us to celebrate and in so doing they have the power to release the negativity that builds up in us. What better way to begin anew, not only in the new year but in those relationships that allow us to enter into the sphere of eros.