Man to Man

There was a time in the 1970s during the hayday of the sexual revolution when it was said of gay men that it took us longer than anyone to get to know each other on a last name basis. While we usually said this of ourselves with a wink and a chuckle, inherent in this statement was a critique of social mores that kept a watchful eye over man to man intimacy. Out of our excesses and missteps as we challenged social norms held to be sacrosanct came an expansion of consciousness. I’d like to think that this is why we are freer today to explore levels of intimacy with each other that a generation ago were possible only to the most ardent of sexual outlaws. As I think of our journey as gay men, I now wonder about all the other men who do not so identify but who also need a physical connection with men?

In spite of the gains that have been made in men being given the space to express emotions with each other, there is still not room for those guys who consider themselves straight but who also need the touch and energy of another man. Of course, I know the usual retorts that they are really bi or even gay but are in denial. To which I would say that I just do not know. It seems like we expend too much time on worrying about how we self-identify and not enough on how to express and nurture our physical and erotic needs in non-judgmental ways. In the wake of the sexual revolution, there continues to be a need for including all people, men and women alike, who want to enrich their erotic selves with members of their own gender.

If we can put all the cultural baggage we carry around these issues of identity and sexuality off to the side, our bodies will guide us. One of the interesting insights I have gained from my practice of Sacred Intimacy is that things become so much less complicated, especially in a first meeting, once we are both naked and touching each other. When we are naked and touching, we stand on equal ground stripped of the cultural barriers that separate us. Naked and touching, we are transformed into the simplicity of two human beings giving each other the gift of connection. As I wrote in my previous post, Strip!, being blindfolded quickens the transformation into touch space by removing all the judgements that are programmed into us through vision.

On the flip side, I have found that it is not as easy to enter into an erotic massage dimension with friends for whom this has not been a part of our dynamics. Is it possible? Absolutely, but it requires a bit more work through frank discussions about how occasional erotic journeys would fit into our friendship. In any event, as we journey into the erotic the important point is that we expand our thinking around erotic touch to recognize that it is completely possible to enter this space as friends who are not lovers but who want to share our most intimate vitalities with each other. To be successful, both parties need to be mindful of the other person, listen to each other, express themselves, and share lovingly the power that each of us can radiate through our bodies.