In my post Bottoms Up!, I focused on pleasures of the butt. Although I touched on some negative feelings, I did not dwell on them but rather on ways of enjoying the pleasures to be had from moving beyond taboos. Reminding me that deeply ingrained fears are always lurking in the background, some of these fears once again rose their ugly heads the other day in an SI session.
The butt is such a vortex for negative associations that it is little wonder we have wildly conflicting emotions about it. For far too long, it has borne the brunt of shame and filth. Closely tied to this are such ideas that it is passive and that passivity is somehow to be despised. In some bizarre way, manly men are associated with being active, which is supposed to be good even in its crudest forms, while unmanly men are deemed feminine, as if that were a bad thing. Guys, we need to move on!!!
One of my fondest memories is from a former yoga teacher, a Berlin grandmother. It was from her prodding us to grab the floor with our anal mouths as we were doing sitting poses that I had a revelation about the butt. An anal mouth? Cool, I had never thought of our being able to use and control it as we would any other muscle. I wish my own Oma had been so earthy!
In that image of an anal mouth, we also get to the heart of the problem, the negative images that have been put upon the anus but have not been associated with the mouth. These images are much more powerful to overcome than the muscles themselves in the butt. Yet, a change in perspective can do much to open our back doors to erotic pleasure. The butt is an equal opportunity pleasure seeker regardless of whether you are a man who is gay, straight, or a woman. What we need to do is to confront the taboos so that we can move beyond them.
When they arose in me, what was so helpful was that Steve, an SI partner, guided me through an extended butt exercise in which we focused on relaxing and opening up my inner sanctum. One technique was to prolong the time in which I clenched and released the sphincters encircling his fingers, going sequentially from top to bottom and vice versa. This technique not only helps to relax the butt canal, but it demonstrates that we do have control, and that we can be active players as bottoms. The more relaxed you are the deeper your partner can go. As you sensitize both of your organs with their own unique muscles to each other, they will interact in much deeper and subtler ways than if both of you were not so relaxed and receptive. Yes, even tops can be receptive.
Of course, we should be attentive to the fears that are well intentioned such as those around disease. The important thing is to find your own way into saying yes to the butt and its subtle pleasures. Take your time, begin with fingers, and slowly journey into the inner sanctum. Treat it with love and respect, and it will reward you as it opens up its hidden pleasures.