The Moment After

Once upon a time, the moment following an orgasm was a time for guilt and shame, but now we have evolved beyond such negative feelings. Yes, it sounds like the start of a fairy tale, and so often it is. Though I pat myself on the back saying that I have moved on in my life, such feelings still rear their ugly heads at times.

Shame can be subtle. Think of how often someone wants to wash off just after an orgasm, sending a message that there is something dirty or shameful about cum. What is even more frustrating about this is that such actions kill the beauty of the moment. They stop short the warm sensations flowing throughout the body that are the fruition of touch and orgasm.

Small steps can have a big impact on something as pervasive as shame. Take your time, linger for a while after orgasm while embracing your partner and loving the wetness of it all. This is a time to celebrate the gift of our inner selves, our man milk, that we have just given to each other. One of the guys with whom I have a Sacred Intimate relationship loves to work our cum into our skin like a body lotion. Others enjoy ingesting it, or as the song goes, “yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy”. Who knows, maybe the Ohio Express had fellatio in mind when they recorded this song – though I doubt it.

Regardless, love it is whether in or on your tummy, and it is a love that can be smeared, eaten, or whatever. Sharing our bodies and entering into each others fantasies are acts of love. There is nothing shameful about love, even when it goes over the edge of wetness. When I think about the shame mongers trying to control pleasure in our lives, I just chuckle and walk in the other direction.

The world is an imperfect place, and a lot of the work we have to do in our erotic lives is in reclaiming the essential goodness of the erotic along with our right to it. For the most part, this is a path that has to do with overcoming taboos. The kind of eros that makes sense to me is the kind that thrives through acts of loving kindness. In my mind, it does not matter if such gestures are those found in romantic relationships, in body work, fetishes, or whatever other platforms people use to cultivate their erotic lives.  Acts of love do not need to be characterized by time or depth of romance, they simply are. They exist in the gestures and intentions we show towards the other person. They are there to give us pleasure and to make the world a better place. Dig in!!

 

9 thoughts on “The Moment After

  1. Great read. Strange how our guilt from our childhood can sometimes deny us a full life unless we just life our life’s for ourselves. Ivan.

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    • Thanks Ivan, good observation. It shows you just how strong these cultures are that we all live in. I agree with you, we have to take responsibility for our own lives, and that takes courage. I think this a lot better than letting guilt and shame rule how we live! Best, Lou

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  2. Sometimes I think that the “shame” feeling after an orgasm is purely a biological thing. The male has “fulfilled” his role, he has spread his semen and he is ready to move on

    Take me for example : I have no shame , and yet after I cum I kinda just want to be with myself, of course, I use my mind and feelings and don’t just push the guy aside, I relax for a few minutes then connect with him again

    I know that he is also like me in this regard (all guys are), so we can just hug quietly mixing our cum, or just just be peaceful for a few minutes

    And then that feeling goes away

    I think that religion has used this basic biologic feeling to add to it shame and guilt which is of course a total BS

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    • You bring up a good point, and I agree that there is a biological component at work here. And yes, religions certainly have done their best to control us through shame and taboos.

      Like you, I do not have any shame and sometimes want to be just with myself after I cum, but not always. It has been a learning experience for me to linger with the new energy that an orgasm gives us, and to enjoy the stickiness of it all. I like to linger in the embrace of another guy with him rubbing my belly and me his, this spreads the energy outwards and through our bodies. There are guys I do bodywork with who like to fall asleep together after we cum, this too is really nice and peaceful. It really is like being in yogic trance, and that’s a really good feeling we can learn from.

      Always good to get your insights, makes me think!!!

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