The Moment After

Once upon a time, the moment following an orgasm was a time for guilt and shame, but now we have evolved beyond such negative feelings. Yes, it sounds like the start of a fairy tale, and so often it is. Though I pat myself on the back saying that I have moved on in my life, such feelings still rear their ugly heads at times.

Shame can be subtle. Think of how often someone wants to wash off just after an orgasm, sending a message that there is something dirty or shameful about cum. What is even more frustrating about this is that such actions kill the beauty of the moment. They stop short the warm sensations flowing throughout the body that are the fruition of touch and orgasm.

Small steps can have a big impact on something as pervasive as shame. Take your time, linger for a while after orgasm while embracing your partner and loving the wetness of it all. This is a time to celebrate the gift of our inner selves, our man milk, that we have just given to each other. One of the guys with whom I have a Sacred Intimate relationship loves to work our cum into our skin like a body lotion. Others enjoy ingesting it, or as the song goes, “yummy yummy yummy I got love in my tummy”. Who knows, maybe the Ohio Express had fellatio in mind when they recorded this song – though I doubt it.

Regardless, love it is whether in or on your tummy, and it is a love that can be smeared, eaten, or whatever. Sharing our bodies and entering into each others fantasies are acts of love. There is nothing shameful about love, even when it goes over the edge of wetness. When I think about the shame mongers trying to control pleasure in our lives, I just chuckle and walk in the other direction.

The world is an imperfect place, and a lot of the work we have to do in our erotic lives is in reclaiming the essential goodness of the erotic along with our right to it. For the most part, this is a path that has to do with overcoming taboos. The kind of eros that makes sense to me is the kind that thrives through acts of loving kindness. In my mind, it does not matter if such gestures are those found in romantic relationships, in body work, fetishes, or whatever other platforms people use to cultivate their erotic lives.  Acts of love do not need to be characterized by time or depth of romance, they simply are. They exist in the gestures and intentions we show towards the other person. They are there to give us pleasure and to make the world a better place. Dig in!!