Spanking the Monkey

I’ve been spanking mine since I was a tweenster and thankfully that never prevented the little bugger from being hungry for more. Having had my first orgasm at the hands of another boy, it may have taken me a little longer than others to learn that I could do this all on my own. Wow, what a revelation that was!

All the fuss and condemnation around pleasures of the body, have always been a mystery to me. Right from the beginning of puberty, I had my first sexual experiences. It was all pretty spontaneous and wonderful. Luckily, I knew some like minded boys eager to explore the priapic wonders popping up in our newly found sex lives. For a brief time, shame was not part of our Edenic experience.

A few of my most profound memories stem from this time. One was when I was showering after a swim proudly showing my full-blown woodie that had popped up at the sight of one of the men showering. The poor guy was horrified at the sight of my brazenly displayed member in full glory, most likely he was not aware that his furry chest was the source of my inspiration. It didn’t take long for him to leave the shower, and no doubt in disgust and shock. So the lessons in shame begin.

Another of my pre-shame displays was on a boy scout outing lying in a field on my back, naked. I was communing with nature, bare for all to see, and without a care that my tumescent self was saluting all who happened by. My reverie was broken by a scout leader yelling at me to put some clothes on, and grumbling something about how I should be ashamed of myself. The lessons in shame get harsher.

But, the incident that really ended my idyllic year of budding erotic awareness came from a neighbor boy. We were out in the woods, always a source of erotic potential for me, when he exposed his sacred jewels. Of course, I did the natural thing by reaching out to pet his monkey. I’m not sure what he had in mind but I hardly expected him to back off and hurl the ultimate insult of fag at me. Full-blown shame hits home.

We learn shame. It took me many more years to roll back the layers of its negativity. Unfortunately, I am hardly unique in this kind of experience, nor is sexual shame uniquely a gay phenomenon. It touches us all in one way or another and can be found everywhere. Like violence it keeps perpetuating itself, and as with violence the cycle can be stopped. It was stopped at Stonewall in 1968 by those brave drag queens, it was stopped by activists against AIDS, and in countless other ways when people have said enough to all this.

Each of us in our own way can stop shame. Every time we connect intimately with another person, when we share an orgasm, when we kiss, and when we connect with our erotic energy we are saying stop. Eros is a life affirming energy, it has its own path and its own rules. With every erotic encounter, we say yes to life and reclaim a bit of the positive energy that pulsates through the universe. With every yes, we reaffirm ourselves and say no to the negative forces trying to make us feel shame for living. That’s why the monkey returns for more. The monkey knows best.

Hot Lips

For those of us old enough to remember MASH, one of the most memorable characters was Hot Lips Houlihan, whose sensuous lips earned her a level of immortality. With an eye to the intrepid erotic voyagers on board the SS Raging Queen (see  Gay Traveler, 8 February 2015) and a tip of the hat to Hot Lips, I thought I would follow my explorations of the Mangina and the Vathighna with a stop at yet another of the body’s great sensual ports of call, the lips.

So strong is their erotic power that they have been tightly regulated through the use of barriers, such as veils, and limitations on who has access. It’s an interesting cultural artifact that lips as sensual objects have largely been associated with women. But what about us poor lads, are our lips supposed to be asexual? One look at Brando says “No”!

Kissing brings up yet another set of cultural and religious obstacles. Clearly, evolution has developed lips for sensual pleasure. Yet, we try to deny nature through attempts to limit kissing to the confines of a romantic relationship, and certainly not between men. One interesting exception is that the image of two women kissing is considered to be a turn on for men while that of two men kissing is more than most people can bear. I have even been in sexual situations with gay, bi, and straight men for whom kissing was off limits!

Clearly something has gone terribly wrong here. How can guys who readily plunge into fellatio not kiss? Though I never have asked why, I have always had the feeling that this had to do with the strength of the tabu against men kissing each other being too powerful for them to overcome.

Lips are meant for deeply sensual contact. I have yet to massage a guy who did not welcome even the most basic of connections with his lips, my fingers gently rubbing them. In bodywork or love making, we revel in exploring our partner’s body with our lips taking in all the sensations as they make their way through the various body textures. Likewise, the enjoyment of feeling your partner’s lips caressing your body is just as thrilling.

Let your lips be your guide, they know where they want to go. They love to rub and to be rubbed. They love to kiss and to be kissed. This does not have to be the stuff of romance, if you want that read a Harlequin novel. What I am talking about is erotic pleasure and being able to fully enjoy it. One of the tasks that we men face is pushing back the tabu that paints us as being less than masculine when we are kissing or exploring each others’ bodies with our lips. There is no reason why we should not enjoy the pleasures that our lips bring us. None is more stimulating and manly than caressing your buddy’s lips with yours. Take your time, remain in contact with him as both of you share in the sheer pleasure of joining your bodies and full on kissing.

Thighs on Fire

One of the treasure troves of sensuality I found a long time ago was that golden funnel where the inner thighs and groin come together. It is one of those hyper-charged areas that really springs to life when doing erotic body work or lovemaking. If I could coin a term for it, I would dub it the Vathighna.

For way too many years, however, I did not much linger there. Maybe I was far too taken by the siren calls of the Mangina with its bevy of Lorelei luring us to the pleasures to be found in that magic cavern. On the surface, it makes sense that the ultimate way to be one with another man is through connecting his manhood deep inside your own manhood, or vice versa. But is it really?

I am hardly the person to deny the wonders that can be found in anal sex. But when you get down to it, the surface area of the anal sphincter, where most of the sensations of contact happen, is vastly smaller than that of the inner thighs.

Whether I am engaged in lovemaking or erotic body work, having my Vathighna lightly massaged sends ripples of pleasure throughout my whole body. As my inner thighs and groin are awakened, things heat up with all parts of my body starting to sing. As the energy builds in intensity, my body wants to connect with my partner’s cock. A fully erect penis has a special energy all of its own, and when it is working my inner thighs and groin is when I feel most alive and in connection with him. For me, this connection feels different than that of anal sex, and it all has to do with the full skin on skin contact that communicates every bit of the male energy emanating out of his cock.

As the Bard was once reputed to have said, the thigh’s the thing. OK, so that’s a bit of a stretch, but I’ve recently been spending more time exploring the Vathighna’s possibilities. One of the things I am finding is that it doesn’t matter much if you are in the top or bottom position. It’s all about the increased surface area of the skin and the level of contact it gives to both parties. Whether I am feeling the surging energy spewing out from every inch of my partner’s cock or feeling what it is like for mine to be completely engulfed in his thighs, either way the connection is complete. Enhancing this are the movements of your torsos, hips, and pelvises as they dance their erotic jig enlivening each other with erotic energy. If you can sync yourselves to cum in unison, the afterglow is that much sweeter as your motions slow to a crawl and into the slumber of savoring the radiating energy flowing freely throughout your entire bodies. The dance is done, the fire is out and the time has come to bask for as long as possible in the warmth of the afterglow. I think the Lorelei have found a new spot from which to entice us!