We are chemically made to connect, our bodies never stop sending out signals, and at conscious and unconscious levels our bodies never cease from collecting and sorting through those coming at us. The stronger ones definitely get our attention, we’re attracted, we want to connect, to touch, maybe even to shag.
Erotic energy is a powerful and positive force, we are bathed in it. If it is so pervasive and life enhancing, why is it so repressed? I’ve rambled on about the usual culprits of religion and society and the cloak of shame they reinforce. Its not that these are not important, but I think the grip of possession is equally as powerful.
Now for a disclaimer, I do not practice Buddhism or Zen nor do I have more than a surface level knowledge of them. I do, however, think about non-possession in my own erotic journeys and the sense of joy and peace that comes from erotic connections where possession is not a factor, where the path of eros is one of love without possessing the other. One of my most memorable sexual journeys was with a monk, no not Zen but Anglican. And no, I was not an abused school boy but a fully willing thirty year old.
Can deeply intimate connections exist that are free of this sense of possession? For several years, I have journeyed along the erotic path with many men. With some, the journeys have been of short duration, with others of continued exploration lasting months, years, and even decades. With each man, the experience of love comes from deeply intimate touch, opening ourselves to each other, sharing orgasm, and allowing the post-orgasmic glow to flow through each other’s bodies. These are among the most loving gifts two people can give each other. My most successful connections have been the ones where we have understood we do not possess each other, just simply a heartfelt love and gratitude for allowing ourselves to so intimately journey together.
For me, there is no contradiction in being deeply erotic and eschewing the idea of possessing the other. This is more about a state of being than the number of times one engages erotically with another person. It’s about exploring touch space with those you feel drawn to. And, equally important, it’s about giving each other the freedom and love to leave that space. Non-possession is about love, sharing it, and baring our souls and bodies so that we can deeply nourish ourselves in the erotic energy that is so vital a part of life.